I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
