I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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