New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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