he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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