in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
