he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
