yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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