Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
