we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
