once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
