I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
