I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
