now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
