I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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