More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
