They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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