She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need water and some morals
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
