Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
