lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
