well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
