dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
