I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
