I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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