sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
