stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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