my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
