My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
high people should be assigned attendants
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You are the jesus of drinking
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
