oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
