It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
