How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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