Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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