My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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