If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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