I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
