You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
