So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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