Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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