I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
