so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
