Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
