I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
