just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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