So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
