I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
