someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
