no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
