best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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