Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
