WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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