Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
