I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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